Ethan Hayden Falkowitz was born on March 5, 2009 in New York City. The below was only supposed to be a tiny portion of the accolades Ethan would have achieved during his lifetime. Whatever we add during ours will, in no way, come close to how special Ethan has been to this world in his young 14 years.
Not only did Ethan make the starting lineup of the Roslyn Varsity Tennis Team as an eighth grader, but he was also on his way to consideration for valedictorian in four years. Those are the words of his teachers and coaches. At an early age, Ethan understood the concept of earning results through hard work and realized that reaching one’s potential required focus and determination and that it would not be given to you just because you want it.
Athletically, academically, personally, socially, and morally, Ethan excelled. His beliefs were simple and of the highest regard. Encouraging others to believe in themselves, sharing what he learned, being a role model, proactively seeking to help others (regardless of whether he knew them), and smiling and making other people smile, are just a few of the tremendous qualities Ethan possessed. Ethan lived unselfishly happy and spread such joy to this world.
We’ve come to understand a few facts about life since the tragedy. Life is not always fair. Ethan was an angel living on earth. And the universe doesn’t take into consideration the quality of person before deciding when their time may be up. Because if it did, Ethan would be outliving us all.
Yes, he won his last tennis tournament before Varsity tryouts. He also won his last High School tennis match under the lights the night of the tragedy. He was asked to present his Algebra research honors paper at Hofstra University but it conflicted with a Varsity tennis match, so he couldn’t make it. He accumulated an average of greater than 97 through Eighth Grade while taking multiple High School classes and was recommended for every honors class in High School.
Someone’s horrific decision to get behind the wheel of a pick-up truck, high on cocaine and alcohol, at a rate of speed of 95 mph, heading the wrong way on a local road at around 9:40 pm on a Wednesday night, a weeknight, has made this world a worse place to live in. And this is something we will struggle with for the rest of our lives.
Ethan had his eyes set on attending Cornell University, like his mom. And if he wanted to, he would have been a Cornellian for sure. Nothing could stop Ethan from achieving his own personal goals. But if you knew him, you knew that Ethan’s goals were to also help others achieve theirs, as big or small as they may have been. He cared so much for others and their successes, with a level of compassion that was unmatched. Ethan was not willing to step on anyone’s back to get ahead by himself; rather, he chose to pick others up, to carry them on his shoulders, to ensure that they could all succeed together. The true measure of an extraordinary 14-year old. To this day, we continue to hear countless stories from both familiar and unfamiliar faces reaffirming this character trait Ethan possessed. And we are beyond proud that he was ours.
Ethan loved to laugh. Ethan loved to share. Ethan loved to proactively help/motivate/compliment/encourage others. And Ethan loved to entertain. There isn’t a room he didn’t light up. There wasn’t a person he wouldn’t communicate with. There wasn’t a “want” that he wouldn’t excel in. At 14-years old, he started to become our role model. As his parents, there were fewer things that we felt like we could teach him that he didn’t already know.
At 14-years old, Ethan was already volunteering to help underprivileged children learn tennis. He was already helping his friends in school on subjects that were challenging for them. He was already putting smiles on people’s faces, even if they didn’t know they needed it. He already knew the power of asking questions rather than assuming answers. Ethan just got it.
It is now our life’s mission to teach the world the way Ethan would have and so we created the Ethan Falkowitz Foundation as our way to give back in his honor – to positively motivate, encourage, and help others the way Ethan did and would have continued to. And while we know whatever we do will fall short of what Ethan would have done, it’s a good start!
Ethan was filled with so much love, and it was important that he let those around him know how much he loved them. A sign of such security. Seven months before the tragedy, a dad of one of Ethan’s friends passed away unexpectedly of a heart attack. The impact it had on Ethan was clear. He would not go to sleep or leave the house without first saying and hearing, “I love you” from us, his mom and dad. It didn’t matter the time. It didn’t matter the day. It gave him comfort to hear that his parents loved him. It also gave him comfort to reassure his parents that he loved them. The love that Ethan shared was incomparable.
Something exceptional about Ethan was his tremendous inner confidence. He didn’t brag or boast in any way. But his inner confidence gave him a unique ability to bring happiness to others, to selflessly love others, to encourage them to be their best selves. He would raise people up, compliment them, call them by their first names and know things about them and their families.
He made people feel like their lives mattered, like they mattered, whether through his playful gestures of giving them nicknames, remembering them from Elementary School and saying “Hi” in the Middle School hallways or on the streets, or being the first to start a congratulatory cheer for someone. He found reasons to help, he found reasons to celebrate, he found reasons to encourage…all with an ease and grace, and without the need for credit, that made him so remarkable.
As we said in a toast Gary made on his 13th birthday, Ethan was an extraordinary man who would do extraordinary things. Painfully, heart wrenchingly painfully, we, as his parents, are now tasked to do them for him.
One of the treasures we hold close to our hearts is a series of six videos that Ethan texted us three weeks before the tragedy – his way of explaining to us why he couldn’t attend his private lesson with his tennis coach on April 18, 2023. That night, he came home late from Varsity Tennis practice and had a mountain of schoolwork in front of him. While we were disappointed to cancel with his coach at the last minute, we acquiesced. Yet, in true Ethan fashion, he wanted to share and explain (something he loved to do!). Ethan’s videos stretched on for over an hour, complete with the kind of deep, meaningful song choices that will always echo in our hearts. We had never even heard some of the songs he listened to, while he did his homework, like Say Yes to Heaven. To this day, we have such chills and wonder thinking about the all of the songs he had playing in the background, while creating this series of videos for us. Songs like: Look After You, How to Save a Life, We Don’t Talk Anymore and Can’t Remember to Forget You. Unknowing how our collective world would be shattered only three weeks later, the night of the tragedy (May 3, 2023), we still wonder how these could be some of the song choices that Ethan innocently listened to as he did his schoolwork? What made these videos even more profound for us is that we didn’t even know these videos existed until after the tragedy – the series of six text messages never came through initially, perhaps because of how long they were…? It wasn’t until May 20th, our son Landon’s birthday, when Gary was showing our sister-in-law how, even after coming into our bedroom each night for a hug and a kiss goodnight, Ethan would still text us again before he eventually went to bed to say “I love you” once more. While scrolling up through our text messages to show her Ethan’s nightly “I love you” texts, the videos appeared, making them a gift we never expected, but one we cherish every day.
Ethan’s light lives on in every memory, every smile, every act of love. Through these photos, we see Ethan’s story, cut heartbreakingly too short, unfold – an exceptional boy who lived with kindness, passion, and love. Each moment is a reminder of the light he brought into our lives and the legacy he continues to leave behind.
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